So, the night my Lily came into the world there was a sound. Baptist South Maternity Ward is probably used to loud sounds, but it was the first time I ever moo-ed like a cow. “Moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo….!!!!!!” Every contraction brought a moo. Here a moo, there a moo. Everywhere a ….(well you get the point). My baby was born three weeks premature. For a procrastinator that posed several challenges. We’ll get to that another time. Before the moo-ing, it was high drama. BEFORE the moo-ing it was high drama? Yes. Before. Let me explain…

I had been to a routine high-risk OB appointment at Baptist Downtown.Routine and high-risk should never be next to each other in a sentence, but so be it. There’s always risk. I was over 35. I was overweight. Anemic. Gastric bypassed. Single. Not rich. Need I go on? We all have our own “stuff”. So here’s the setup. I’m at this doctor’s appointment. They do the extra ultrasounding so they can check to see if the baby is growing perfectly. This always made me anxious. I mean, every time I went there they would tell me the baby was a little small, or a little too long, or not this or too much that…I suppose doctors have to do what they have to do. My job was to carry the baby. I carried. Until that day. At that appointment. The doctor pulled up a rolling stool. Leaned in. Put a hand on my arm. Looked in my eyes. (enough build up for you yet?) And said the following:

The baby is not growing the way she needs to inside of you. She’s growth restricted. You need to go on bed rest immediately and maybe that will give the baby more blood, oxygen, and nutrients.

Hold up. WHAT? I have to stop working? It’s just me and this baby. What are we going to live on? I can’t even go to the grocery store? Who’s going to take care of me? I’m by myself. Oh my God… (a plea, not a swear) They strap me to a baby monitor to see about the movement of my little punkin and you guessed it- nobody’s moving. I’m not moving. She’s not moving. We were told NOT to move, right? But NOW it’s a bad thing. Ok, ok…the doctors (now there is more than one) come in. Note to anyone listening. When there’s more than one doctor in the room you’ve got their attention. If you’ve got more than one doctor’s attention something MIGHT be wrong.

Here were the instructions. We need to admit you to the HOSPITAL (for observation). All I heard was (for observation). I was WAY pregnant. I had ceased being my usual logical self. Ask any of my coworkers at the time. I had trouble NOT telling you what I thought. Stuff would just fly out of my mouth. I had stopped being Miss Okay Whatever You Need. I didn’t have TIME. I didn’t feel well. Nobody told me when you were pregnant you really wouldn’t feel WELL a LOT! There were days I couldn’t keep my eyes open and nights I couldn’t get them to shut. I threw up. I couldn’t eat. Then all I could eat were oranges. Five a day. And red meat. Peach sorbet….but I digress.  Back to the “Get to the hospital RIGHT AWAY” part.

So, I did what they told me. No I didn’t. I am me. I knew it was possible I’d have to stay overnight. I went home. I packed my body pillow, my neck roll pillow (by this time I couldn’t lie comfortably), a change of clothes, my laptop, my cellphone charger and my bible. I was supposed to go directly to the hospital. I rationalized that I had things to take care of. Who would get my clothes? How would I call anyone? Oh, and I had better stop at McDonald’s on the way to the hospital. Everyone knows they never let you eat when you first go in. I was a sight. Eight months pregnant. In July. Florida. Sweating. With the pillows, the bag, my purse (which weighs 40 lbs. on its own), and a bag of Mickey D’s. I show up at the admission desk with my ”stuff” and think to myself. I really wish I had somebody to help me. I felt sorry for myself a bit and sucked it up and went up the elevator to the floor where they jailed the pregnant ladies. “I’m here. Let’s do this observatin’…”

They strap on the baby monitor…and away we go… I needed support. I logged onto the internet. I don’t really know what logging on is, but I joined the Daily Devo group Alex Tran was leading (in progress) and typed that I didn’t want to talk, just listen and let him know I was in the hospital. I had been serving at church answering online prayer requests, so I sort of ”knew” Alex. I can tell you that it was only those prayers that kept me going. Throughout my pregnancy I typed responses to the requests and pondered the new life forming in me and got outside me and my problems. I wasn’t super great at it. I didn’t even pray very well. I just showed up and learned how to listen and how to look for answers in God’s Word. When I got a request I would always think, ‘what does the bible say about that’. I’m no spiritual rocket scientist, so I’d look up all that the bible had to say about people’s problems. There were money problems, relationship problems, health problems, all kinds of things. It’s the human condition. We’ve got some issues. I’m not Ms. Perfect. I imagine you aren’t either. (especially if you’re a guy)

Where was I going? Oh, I’m in the hospital. I connect to the devo group. Then I moo like a cow. Savvy? Not really? Ok, I forgot to tell you my water broke and I started having contractions THEN cue the moo-ing. All that to say…you could HEAR the MOO-ing. I’ll never forget it. It was the sound of me having a baby. It was real. It was bizarre, sort of. But it was definitely real.

Before I found out I was pregnant I was holding hands with a bunch of folks saying the Lord’s prayer. Before you judge and think that’s kinda weird, just know it was a normal-type deal. Where I was, doing what I was doing, with who I was with, we do that sort of thing. Don’t worry yourself about it. My eyes were closed. Everyone was saying the prayer. I sometimes didn’t say the words and just soaked up the connection with a higher power. God could be felt when we were all together and I just wanted to feel that. I heard a voice speak to my heart…

You’re going to have a daughter named Lily.

 What was that? You must be joking. You’re crazy, Dana. You’re never going to have a child. You’re not even adult-like. You work all the time. You like to stay up late. You don’t even like kids that much. How nuts is that? And I ignored what I heard. Fast forward a few months later and when I was puking my guts out with the “flu” and couldn’t keep my eyes open and took a pregnancy test and it turned up positive…you’d think I’d catch a clue. Nope. I bought another test. Denial runs deep. The next test also said “Pregnant”. I made a doctor’s appointment. Must be a mistake. Sure enough, PREGNANT. Now, don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying I didn’t do anything to get pregnant. My becoming a Christian, getting saved, getting baptized, trying to live a new kind of life deal had it’s early bumps and bruises. I struggled with sin in many areas. It was a rocky transformational time. God’s not finished with me yet, as my daughter’s Hermie the Caterpillar Book so eloquently points out. Ok, I’m pregnant. The voice I heard in my heart during the Lord’s prayer was not my voice, it was, I believe the Holy Spirit preparing me for what was to come. And basically, I knew I had heard from God. Heard from God? Yes. Heard from God. I knew nobody would understand it, so I didn’t tell a lot of folks.

Let’s recap. I heard moo-ing. But before that I heard from God. I kept thinking about the line in the First Steps Book for Christians that talked about how God especially likes to bless NEW believers. I was a new believer and I had hoped God would really give me some sort of kick-back or reward for all my faith and stuff. Ha. The very thought of it makes me cringe. I really desired a special gift from God, though…in my heart that was the want. I never consciously wanted a child. I mean, I did…but I always dismissed it immediately by looking at my capability or lack thereof, finances, lack of a husband, immaturity, had just really turned my life around after about 10 years, etc… and BAM. God delivered. Well, to be technical I actually delivered Lily, but God gave her to me. My special blessing for being a new believer. Something I never thought I could have. Something I didn’t deserve. Something that could bring me more love, joy and completeness than I’d ever imagine.

There were many days I didn’t know how I’d be able to have a child and raise a child and be a momma. I had heard from God. That gave me the faith. And so, my life verse…

 Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4)

Talk to you soon! Love you for reading! – Dana